Extensive life stories – Yasodhara (5th. century BCE)

many versions

Yasodhara is known primarily as the wife of Siddhartha, the future Buddha. Often, not much more than this is mentioned about her. And when something more is said, it is often with a somewhat negative undertone, as if she was an obstacle on the Buddha’s path to enlightenment. But who was Yasodhara, and what was her life journey like?

There are many stories about the Buddha, and in some of them, Yasodhara is mentioned. The stories are sometimes very different, with occasional conflicting information. We do not know what truly happened, as all the texts were recorded later, after centuries of oral transmission.

The legend that is generally considered the Buddha’s life story in the West comes from the Theravada tradition, based on a particular version of the Pali literature. Some elements of this life story are difficult to reconcile with our image of the Buddha, and as a result, they are often overlooked. One such example is the passage where Prince Siddhartha Gautama—the future Buddha—leaves his wife and their baby behind when he departs in the middle of the night. He leaves without discussing it with her or even announcing it. After his departure, Yasodhara raises their son alone. Years later, the Buddha visits his family at the palace. After a short time, he leaves again for good to continue spreading his teachings and to establish a community of followers. He takes their son without consulting Yasodhara and ordains him as a monk. Yasodhara is left without a husband and without her child. These are difficult passages that, today, raise many questions for practitioners

But in addition to this version, there are many other versions and stories, each with its own perspective, interpretation, and explanation. They all express different aspects of our mind, our heart, our desires. It is unfortunate that these stories and details have faded into the background over time and were lost during the introduction of Buddhism in America and Europe. 

The colorful array of stories about the lives of the Buddha and Yasodhara is enriching and inspiring for our daily practice. If one thing becomes clear from the lives of Yasodhara and her husband Siddhartha, it is that they were on a journey of self-discovery, just like us, experiencing very human emotions in deeply relatable situations.


Name

We know the Buddha’s wife by the name Yasodhara, which means “Bearer of Glory.” This is not her real name but more of an honorary title given to her later. In the Pali Canon, she is referred to as Bhaddakaccana, which was not her real name either, but a nickname given to her based on her appearance. Bhaddakaccana means “she with skin the color of burnished gold.” Other names by which she is referred to in various texts include Bimba Devi, Bimba Sundari, and sometimes Gopa. But she is often simply called Rahulamata, meaning the mother of Rahula.

On the one hand, it may seem strange that we don’t even know the name of the Buddha’s wife. On the other hand, this makes her very relatable, as everyone plays various roles in life: child, partner, colleague, grandparent, friend, parent, neighbor, and so on. From this perspective, we can easily imagine ourselves in Yasodhara’s position.

Background

In many stories, Yasodhara is described as the daughter of King Suppabuddha and Amita. Amita was the sister of King Suddhodana, the leader of the Sakya clan. On the same day that Amita gave birth to her daughter Yasodhara, her brother Suddhodana had a son, whom he named Siddhartha. Exact dates are not known, but it is generally accepted that Siddhartha—the future Buddha—lived in the 5th century BCE, which would also be the time in which Yasodhara lived.

She belonged to the Sakya clan, a kingdom at the foot of the Himalayas. The Sakya territory was about 30 miles by 50 miles, with its capital at Kapilavastu. It was likely not a kingdom, but a republic governed by wealthy aristocrats, with one of them serving as leader, a sort of governor. The idea that Siddhartha was a prince, the son of a king, is likely incorrect. This idea probably stems from a misinterpretation, as the word raja in Pali not only means “king” but also “ruler” or “governor.”

The territory of the Sakya clan (circled in blue)

Nothing is known about Yasodhara’s childhood and youth. However, there are stories about her later husband, Siddhartha. At his birth, a seer predicted that he would either become a great statesman or a great religious leader. Both his father, leader of the kingdom, and the wealthy men who co-ruled the region did everything in their power to prevent Siddhartha from taking a religious path, as they wanted to ensure an heir to the throne. They made sure Siddhartha was surrounded by comfort, luxury, and entertainment, keeping all suffering out of his sight to avoid igniting any spiritual aspirations.


“Eroticism and sexuality are deeply human and form a part of the existence of living beings.”

Siddhartha was given three palaces and, during his adolescence, was immersed in many worldly pleasures. The Abhinishkramanasutra recounts that Suddhodana “caused a vast hall to be constructed, with a half subdued light … in which matters might be only half observed as it were, and adapted for secret pleasures at any time; … Thus them the Prince passed his time in the midst of a hundred thousand most beautiful and accomplished women, enjoying every species of delight and receiving every service and attention at their handsome whilst they, adorned with every kind of ornament of gold, silver, and precious stones, etc., conspired to amuse and gratify him with music and dancing, even as [Indra] participates in every sort of pleasure at the hands of his attendants, sometimes chatting with one in words of soft dalliance, glancing… smiling… embracing… sighing, ogling… indulging in every kind of soft caress… Thus! thus did the Prince pass his time with the beautiful women of his harem, and receive every possible pleasure, without leaving his palace.”

Eroticism and sexuality are deeply human and form part of the existence of living beings. The inclusion of such elements makes it clear that he was not a distant divine figure leading a platonic life, but a man of flesh and blood. The allure of worldly pleasures and illusions is something everyone can relate to. 

At the age of 16, it was time for Siddhartha to marry. Suddhodana wanted all the aristocratic Sakya families to send their daughters so that Siddhartha could choose a bride. However, many were hesitant to offer their daughters. Although Siddhartha was a handsome young man, he was seen as uneducated and inexperienced, and doubts arose about his ability to lead a family. “Even the gods complained about Siddhartha,” it was said. A tournament was held in which Siddhartha, along with other young men, had to demonstrate his skills in archery, sword fighting, wrestling, swimming, and running. Siddhartha emerged victorious. 

Following this, a grand event took place where all the young daughters were presented to Siddhartha one by one, and eventually, Yasodhara became his bride. In some stories, Siddhartha made the choice; in others, it was Yasodhara who chose Siddhartha as her husband, refusing anyone else. It is said that this choice displeased Yasodhara’s father, as he knew of the prophecy at Siddhartha’s birth and feared that his future son-in-law would become a yogi, abandoning his daughter. However, Yasodhara declared that she wanted Siddhartha as her husband regardless, even if there was a chance he would leave her to follow a spiritual path.

Life as a married woman

Yasodhara married Siddhartha when they were both 16 years old. She is described as an independent person with her own opinions. For example, she did not cover her head as protocol dictated. When complaints were made about this, Yasodhara calmly responded that she had nothing to hide and that the requirement to cover one’s face was shortsighted, based solely on appearance. Someone who is honest and wise has nothing to conceal, and someone who lacks good qualities and is insincere will not benefit from covering their face. So, what is the point? She said that the gods and all saints knew her thoughts, her discipline, and her care, so why should she cover herself? Suddhodana was delighted with his eloquent and thoughtful daughter-in-law and praised her. 

Yasodhara was Siddhartha’s primary wife, but not his only one. He had two other additional wives, concubines, and many harem women, also referred to as dancing girls, princesses, or queens. This was normal for the time. The period in which the stories of the Buddha and his contemporaries were recorded roughly coincides with the time when the Kama Sutra, the well-known book on eroticism, sexuality, and a guide to good living in this area, was written. It was composed in the 2nd century AD, and the author lived in the same region as the Buddha. The Kama Sutra also describes how concubines should behave towards their husband and his primary wife.

Growing Tension

Few stories are known about the life of Yasodhara and Siddhartha as a married couple. However, it is clear that over the next twelve years, a certain tension developed in Yasodhara due to the prophecy made at her husband’s birth. The anxiety that he would leave her seeped through. She began to have dreams in which she saw Siddhartha leaving. He reassured her, telling her that dreams meant nothing and that she had nothing to worry about.

Indeed, Siddhartha immersed himself in luxury for many years and initially showed no interest in a life beyond the worldly. This caused great concern for the goddess Abhaya, who was present at Siddhartha’s birth and knew the larger plan. She understood Siddhartha’s destiny and tried to steer things in the right direction. However, his father Suddhodana, his mother, and all the harem women worked hard to keep Siddhartha on the worldly path, as they wanted him to become the future leader. During this time, it is vividly described how his mother instructed the harem women to keep her son focused on the worldly life, and how these women did their best to please Siddhartha.

At one point, Siddhartha wanted to see more of the kingdom he would one day rule. He went on four journeys with his charioteer. These outings made a deep impression on him and would bring about the decisive turning point in his life. On his first trip, Siddhartha saw, for the first time, someone who was sick, covered in sores, and suffering in pain. Then, he saw someone who was old and frail, hobbling along with the help of a cane. On his third outing, he saw a dead person surrounded by mourning family members. The confrontation with suffering, pain, and death was overwhelming for the young nobleman, who had only known wellness and luxury until then. For the first time in his life, he realized that sickness, old age, and death were part of the human condition. Suffering and pain, in all its forms—physical and emotional—were inevitable. It was a great shock to him. On his fourth and final journey, Siddhartha saw a yogi who, in all his simplicity, exuded contentment. This sparked a burning question in Siddhartha: how is that possible? How can someone, knowing about sickness, old age, and death, live with contentment? This question consumed his life.

From that moment, his focus was no longer on the worldly. His shift toward the spiritual path was definitive. Siddhartha could no longer remain in his luxurious surroundings. For the last time, he slept with Yasodhara. Then, he left in the middle of the night without informing her of his plans. 

abandoned

When it became clear that her husband was gone, Yasodhara was furious. He had broken the vows they made to each other when they married. “What kind of dharma is this!” she cried out. And why hadn’t he taken her with him, as kings often did in those days when they chose a contemplative life?

Here, Yasodhara displays pure human emotion—anger. Who wouldn’t be angry if, after twelve years of marriage, you’re abandoned by your partner, without any prior discussion? It’s not serene equanimity, but raw emotion from Yasodhara: anger at being left behind, heart-wrenching pain from not being included, loneliness from the separation, and deep sorrow. She does not suppress these feelings but embodies and fully acknowledges them.

This deep immersion in her emotions eventually brings her to a profound inner knowing. She realizes that Siddhartha’s departure was necessary for him to achieve enlightenment. The path they had been walking together for eons included this essential phase of letting go of all conditional attachments in order to awaken.

From this understanding, she accepts the situation. The pain and sorrow do not disappear, but she continues to live her life from the given circumstances. Siddhartha’s path was outside the realm of family and social context. Her path remained within the community. She vowed to practice austerity until she would see her husband again.

pregnancy

However, another major change was happening in her life. On that last night with Siddhartha, Yasodhara had become pregnant. Pregnant with their first child.

Occasionally, news of her husband reached her, as both her father and father-in-law—the leader of the Sakyas—sent spies to check on how Siddhartha was doing. While her husband sought his path, Yasodhara did the same. Her journey of pregnancy mirrored the Buddha’s path to enlightenment, but within the realm of daily life. She received advances from many important men, but she rejected them all and changed her lifestyle. She banished all distractions from her life. She no longer wore her beautiful garments, dressing instead in simple clothes. She stopped wearing jewelry and no longer slept in a luxurious bed, opting instead for a straw mat on the ground. She even drastically reduced her food intake, living an ascetic life. In this way, she followed a parallel journey to Siddhartha’s.

This entire journey of Siddhartha and Yasodhara lasts about six years, meaning she was pregnant for six years—an extraordinarily long time. The texts explain this prolonged period by referring to events in previous lives.

Because Yasodhara ate only once a day, and eventually even less, she became severely emaciated. This deeply concerned her father-in-law, who, after his son’s departure, had made the arrival of a grandchild his top priority. He feared for the health of the unborn child, his heir, and ensured that neither Yasodhara nor the other harem women received any news about Siddhartha. Despite receiving no updates about her husband, Yasodhara remained completely attuned to him. When Siddhartha, after a long period of asceticism, finally accepted a bowl of creamy rice pudding from a woman named Sujata, Yasodhara resumed eating as well. And when Siddhartha sat beneath the Bodhi tree to undergo his final steps toward enlightenment, Yasodhara began her own lengthy labor. As Siddhartha attained enlightenment at the sight of the morning star, Yasodhara gave birth to their son, Rahula. The birth of their child coincided with the birth of the Buddha.

Yasodhara’s journey in daily life and Siddhartha’s spiritual path seem to represent two distinct but equally valid routes to awakening, mirroring the Buddha’s realization upon seeing the morning star: “I, the whole Earth, and all beings have awakened simultaneously.”

After the Celebration, the Aftermath

After Rahula’s birth, much changed for Yasodhara. Her father-in-law, once eagerly anticipating the birth of his grandchild, suddenly became suspicious, questioning whether Yasodhara had been faithful to Siddhartha. He no longer saw Rahula as his grandson but as a bastard. Yasodhara was summoned before a tribunal of wealthy men from the Sakya clan. The baby was placed on a large stone, which was then cast into the water. If the stone floated, it would prove Rahula was indeed the son of the Buddha. The stone floated, and the baby emerged unharmed. 

There are also accounts that describe Yasodhara being thrown into a fire as punishment for alleged infidelity. She maintained that she had remained loyal to her husband and that Rahula was Siddhartha’s son. After she declared this, the fire transformed into a lake, with Yasodhara sitting on a large lotus plant in the center, holding Rahula. Despite these miracles, the Sakya people continued to doubt her. Throughout the years, there were repeated suggestions to whip her, gouge her eyes out, mutilate her, tie her to a pole, or bury her alive.

Six years after his enlightenment, the Buddha returned to the palace in Kapilavastu. Yasodhara met him, overjoyed to see him and deeply moved that he was now the Buddha, the Awakened One. The Buddha publicly acknowledged Rahula as his son and declared that Yasodhara had remained faithful to him. In doing so, he erased any doubts surrounding her situation.

Dan komt het moment dat de Boeddha weer vertrekt, waarbij hij Rahula meeneemt. Want zijn zoon wordt – net als vele andere mannen uit de gemeenschap – een volgeling van de Boeddha. Hiermee is de situatie voor Yasodhara dat ze niet alleen zonder echtgenoot  zit, maar ook zonder haar zoon die ze opgevoed heeft.

becoming a Nun

The Sakya clan soon faced difficult times. Many men had left their homes to follow the Buddha, leaving wives, mothers, and daughters behind in a patriarchal society where men’s protection was essential. Additionally, the Sakyas had engaged in battles with a neighboring clan, during which many men were killed. The leader of the community, Suddhodana, grew old. With his son and grandson gone, and many other aristocratic young men having joined the Buddha’s monastic order, the future of the clan appeared bleak. When Suddhodana passed away, the foundation of the community became even more fragile.

complete liberation

Yasodhara decided that her place was no longer in worldly life. Her mother-in-law, Mahaprajapati, Siddhartha’s stepmother, had persevered in convincing the Buddha to allow women to join his community. Yasodhara left the palace, joined the Buddha’s community, and was ordained as a nun.

She became one of the most prominent nuns, eventually leading a large community of women—46,000, according to some accounts. At the age of 78, Yasodhara felt that her life was complete and chose to leave her body. The ability to choose the time of one’s death was seen as a sign of great spiritual power and the attainment of nirvana. To do so, she required the Buddha’s permission. She visited him one final time. The Buddha recognized that she had achieved complete liberation and called her the most righteous of all women. He asked her to display her spiritual powers so that no one would doubt her enlightened state. This was exceptional, as spiritual power was usually not something one flaunted. Yasodhara spoke of past lives in which she had been with the Buddha and gave a profound teaching before leaving her body.

The story concludes by noting that the Buddha personally ensured all the necessary rituals for Yasodhara’s funeral were carried out.

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